Whether you have been through child abuse, domestic violence or whatever your pain may have come through, if you don't deal with it, it will grow and get bigger. You can get bitter or get better. These may not be your exact steps but it is what is helping and has helped me and I hope it will help some of you.
Step 1---Accept what happened. You say, I know what happened. Ok but have you accepted it. For a long time I was like, why did it happen, what if it hadn't, what did I do wrong, what could I have done different? As long as you are here you can't get healed. Accept that this was a part of your life, it happened, it shouldn't have but it did. It will always be a part of you but you can let it be the stone that holds you down and drowns you or you can use it as a stepping stone to rise above it.
Step 2---Forgive them. I know why should you forgive them? They were the one who did wrong and they may have never apologized and may never apologize. Even if they do, why should you forgive them? You should forgive them because forgiveness is for you not them. Once you forgive them, you can move on and climb up one stepping stone higher. They have to live with what they did but you can climb above it. So forgive them and keep climbing.
Step 3---Now this step is for hope. Look around you and see if you can help someone. Maybe you can be the one to listen to the child no one is listening to. Maybe you can be the one who watches the kids where Moma can get a break. Maybe you can be the shoulder for the abused one to lean on. Use what happened to you and climb on the next stone up and help someone. Maybe you can be the one to help them to step 1.
Step 4---Last step is healing. Once you climb all the way to this step, you realize you went through what you did but it is not who you are. Move forward and live the life you have now. You are now ready to go out and make a difference and live the life God had for you all along. You have accepted it, forgiven, helped others and now you have also let God help you.
Sometimes we might slip a step but don't stay there, climb back up and go again and pretty soon you will be on that mountaintop. If you would like me to pray or help you in any way I can to reach that last step or any step feel free to contact me here or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. My greatest hope would be to help someone else to heal.