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Feeling, well, not really sure what I am feeling?


    I am sharing my heart on the blog today.  I have so many feelings going through my mind and heart.  I want to be the wife, mother, grandmother and child of God I should be.  I know I am saved and have no doubts of my salvation.  I love the Lord with all my heart.  I love my husband with all my heart too.  We have been married for almost 30 years, this August 16th.  I love my kids(all 5 of them) and grands too.  I don't even have to question, I would give my life for them.
     So why I am I not sure what I am feeling?  I don't know?  I am struggling physically, mentally and spiritually. Not asking for sympathy here, just sharing my heart to maybe help myself or someone else.  Maybe I am just talking through the words of this blog, I am not sure.
     Physically, I have several health issues going on right now.  I am trying to make the right choices but it is so hard.  I try and I fail, I try and I fail.  Everyone has told me a different way to fix things but not sure which way to go.  Everyone thinks if you don't do it their way, it is the wrong way.  I just want to figure out what is the right way for me.
     Mentally, I try really hard to let my family and friends know I love them.  I try to tell them and show them.  And yet I always seem to be hurting someones feelings or making them mad. I know cause they tell me so. What am I doing wrong?  How do I fix this?
     I as I said don't doubt my salvation.  I love my ministries I am involved in, the job itself but more than that, the people involved.  The kids at church and the ones at the Nursing home are constantly on my mind and heart.  I love to plan things for them and to do for them.  I pray for them and love them so much. I try to read my bible every day but it seems that it is not enough, I feel empty sometimes.  I don't want to be holier than though, I just want peace and joy, if that makes sense.
     So as the title says, I am not sure what I am feeling.  I just know it is not what I want to be feeling.  I don't want to just do, I want to feel. I would love to hear from anyone who actually reads this.   What do you think?  What do you feel?




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